After today, I will have three classes to go. I am going Tuesday morning, Wednesday morning and Friday night. I planned to take Thursday off so I am a day ahead. I have loved this challenge but I am really looking forward to getting some flexibility in my schedule back.
This morning's class was just OK. I was consumed by doubt. That alone isn't that big of a deal; we all experience self-doubt. But there is something in my brain that finds it unacceptable for me to not be the exact person I wish I could be. I want to be confident in every way all the time and when that doesn't happen, I feel like a failure. Then I get frustrated for even thinking that way -and repeat. So this morning, I was hyper-critical. Every little flaw I could imagine was glaring at me in the mirror. I would go maybe 10-15 minutes without criticizing myself but then get sucked back in. It was really frustrating. Then after all that I went home and weighed myself. I think I was looking to beat myself up this morning. It was not healthy in any way. Normally this is frustrating but this morning, I was really discouraged. I have come so far in this experience. I have been feeling so good, free and airy. This morning I felt tired, old and defeated.
Even though I was so frustrated, I think this morning is good motivation on what I need to work on. One of the things that the instructor kept saying this morning was that “we always get a second chance.” People were struggling and she kept encouraging people to “just try” during the second set, even if they didn’t have a good first set. I am trying to take that with me today. I had a crappy morning but I have a second chance to have a great day, which is what I plan on doing.