So I am not going to write as much but I have decided to turn my 30 day challenge into a 60 day challenge. I took 4 days off so that means I have to do 4 doubles in the next month but I am hoping to get them out of the way in the next week or so so I am right on track. This morning I took the 6:15am class and I stood in the front for the first time.
I know I keep saying this but I feel absolutely amazing! My mind is clearer and I am more comfortable with myself in every way. I only knew a certain level of comfort and self-awareness when it came to my body before this challenge. I feel as though now I am going deeper. I am aware of each one of my toes, my foot arches, my knuckles, my pinky fingers, my butt and even my upper back. I have thought about my lower back but I don't think I have ever really thought about my upper back. My body is way stronger and toner and I am way more flexible. Everyday I think about the first week when I was wobbly and falling all over the place. Now there are poses where I don't even budge.
I have also noticed I have short arms or a long torso - I can't figure out which one. I think this fact would have really bothered me in the past. "What is wrong with me?" "Great, yet another abnormality." "Why can't I do this and everyone else can?" "Oh my God I have stumpy little arms!" What amazes me is that none of those thoughts haven't popped up. At all. I think at one point I was just confused and then it just came to me that my body doesn't work that way. Done and done. That was all. More than thinking of it as a negative, it was like an epiphany. I was almost excited to have figured it out.
Most of all I just feel more confident. My posture is better and it isn't just because my core is stronger. I am proud. Even when I don't have a great class, I am super proud of myself. I don't aim for perfection I just try to stay in the room and it works every time. I walk around with a little secret - it is as if I hold the not-so-secret secret to peace. When I find myself stressed out, I think about what I have learned in Bikram and I bring it to my everyday. I look forward to going and I miss it when I don't go. More than anything, I am so grateful to have been introduced to this. (Thank you Peter and Erica!) I am realizing how incredibly lucky I am. I have a wonderful partner, job, friends, family and home. And now on top of all of that, I have this wonderful new appreciation of ME. This is just amazing.